13 in 2013

Well Hello February. My first realization of 2013 is that I am becoming the queen of the unfinished projects. Sticky notes with never ending to-do lists are strewn around my apartment and unfinished blog posts seem to be filling my computer files. When I left my old job to take time to travel I realized that everyday life’s schedule, repeating over and over, surprisingly leaves little time to do new things. There is so much comfort in what we know, but, I’ve found when you break away from that daily routine to learn and feel so much more. Not always positive, but it brings awareness to who you are. My New Year’s resolutions are a combination of activities and conscious moments. Being home I’ve realized that my comforts have limited my conscious perspective. Therefore I’m adding them to my Resolution list so I am ever so aware and with hopes of gaining new perspective, which was easier to obtain while traveling abroad.

I was so excited to ring in 2013 with hopes that it was going to be a wonderful year. I don’t even really know what gave me that hope. The big 30 celebration this year which is looming over my shoulder seems to be more powerful than I thought. I know I wrote “Age is just a number” but there is something about this year that has a power over me… makes me a little crazy, sometimes irrational, but excited as well. I have come up with a 13 to do in 2013 (in no particular order) and I am going to use Prue.Simple.Bliss and you all to be my witness so that I can follow through:

1. Run Hood to Coast Relay: This just happens to fall on my big 30 weekend, but my sister and brother-in-law talked me into it so watch out Oregon here we come!

2. Complete my first Marathon: I have wanted to do this for a while and with training to run a relay two months earlier I figured why not, Chicago Marathon 2013.

3. Make every recipe in the cook book Forks Over Knives: I’ll get into more detail about this soon, but so far I’ve learned some amazing cooking tricks and my belly has been very satisfied.

4. Add into my yoga practice Head Stand: This is a combination of fear and strength, two things I am happy to work on.

5. Add into my yoga practice Hand Stand: See above

6. Complete my yoga teacher training certification: I am well on my way and will have updates soon. Currently I am in the middle of our anatomy section, after getting over the “gross-ness” of the descriptions I can’t believe how intricate, strong and yet fragile the human body is. Maybe if we were all a little more educated we would realize why we need to take better care of ourselves.

7. Try to learn to appreciate meditation: For a mind that is always on go I cherish the moment I can sit and focus and clear my mind.

8. Start up and cultivate my Yoga Gives Back project: Again a realization I had a while back, one of those unfinished blogs, but I will post more soon.

9. Set a new half marathon PR: Number 5 will hopefully give me a new PR.

 

10. Finish my travel writing about Vietnam: These pictures should say enough.

 

 

11. Challenge myself outside of my comfort zone: While traveling I was constantly challenging myself, and in the end I really liked the person who came out of every challenge. I want to find a way to keep cultivating this growth without having to leave the country.

 

(Trying some type of herb wrap to bring good fortune in Vietnam)

12. Learn what it means to be content: An idea that is both scary and foreign. As American’s we are taught to go for the goal, be number one, constantly competing. While I value our ambition I don’t know if it leads to happiness. It’s a theory that needs some work, but I want to know if it is possible to be content and yet still motivated in life.

13. Have fun dating: uh… er… ah, dating blows, I love when people who are off the market say, “oh I loved dating I’m so jealous that you can still do that”. I pretty much want to give that person the finger. But you know I need to change my perspective and get out there. One of my friends jokingly said “you could blog about it.” Well maybe I will! Yesterday I was looking at a profile the guy said “Loves: Meat, vegetarians and vegans need not apply.” If only they could all be that honest!

 

Happy Holiday Blues

There is holiday tune that has the line “I wish it could be this time of year all year long.” When I first heard that a screaming voice in my head yelled, “HELL NO.” So Happy holiday season! Is anyone else not feeling the joy and blessing of this time of year? I’m always so excited to celebrate, deck my home, bake my cookies and daze off in the twinkle of white lights. This year I feel like I’m missing the holiday spirit and I don’t know why. It could possibly be the fact that global warming is making for some manic weather here in Chicago, and of course each different weather mood consists of no snow. Or maybe just walking out my door and into the streets has me swarmed with over crowded everything, shops, buses, restaurants. It makes me want to hide away.

I had a realization during Thanksgiving, while cooking, and baking and bustling about, I was thinking, why, why do all of this for just one day? And then I started to prep my Bompa’s Cranberry Pie, a recipe so near and dear to my heart I make sure there is extra so I can eat it for post holiday breakfasts for the days to come. Every time I look at the recipe I think of Bompa and the wonderful memories I have of our time together. This is the greatest part of celebrating the holidays with friends and family, we never really remember the pain in our bellies from being filled to the max, or the taste of the meal months later. What we remember is the time in the kitchen learning mom’s tricks to making the moistest turkey or the conversations and laughs around the dinner table. All of my memories of these days are so vivid and so diverse and I need to remember those faces and stories when I’m stressed with kitchen duties, grocery lines and hours of preparation.

So that is my motivation for this time of year, making new memories and keeping with old traditions. The newest tradition that has been in place for the past four years is my annual cookie exchange. What started as a simple bring cookies to exchange party has turned into a battle of baking giants as well as a side splitting white elephant gift exchange and this year was one of the best. Yes while I exhaustively prepped food for days the laughter and newest baking creations made every moment of preparation worth it.

If you are like me and you feel yourself becoming overwhelmed and fearful that the holidays are losing their true meaning, in your moment of stress close your eyes and remember one holiday memory. Then take a deep breath and keep going and if all else fails there are only about 17 days left!

 

The 2012 winner of the Pooping Reindeer Trophy and Best Cookie was Scott Randel for his Peppermint Oreo Balls

Leaving Corporate America

“Constant practice alone is the secret of success.”¹

What is success? In life, in love, in careers, we all have our own understanding and definition of success. For myself success used to be equated to financial stability. It was important to me in those early years to stand on my own and be employed, climbing the corporate ladder and being showered with pay raises, bonuses, profit sharing plans and positive reviews from upper management. When I made the conscious decision to quit my job I knew I was most likely leaving all that behind.  I’ll be completely honest with you, everyday I weigh the pros and cons of financial stability with my current situation and time and again the current wins, but it is a continuous debate I have. That’s probably because my current situation is one influx, but after living abroad for 9 weeks this is what I have learned about myself, success to me is happiness and contentment of my mind, body and spirit, a balancing act between all areas of my life. So as of September 15, 2012 I began my year in pursuit of happiness.

With no real direction I had to think about the different areas of my life for which I had passion and use these passions as markers to begin my exploration:

1. Food, I love cooking, but I have always been concerned that if I took my passion for cooking and turned it into a career I would get burnt out. Not to mention I have no professional experience and my only semi-restaurant experience was being a counter server at the clam shack on Cape Cod for two summers in high school. So with that I’ve taken a chef’s assistant job at the Chopping Block, a recreational cooking school for the home cook.

“The yogi understands the faults of others by seeing and studying them first in himself. This self-study teaches him to be charitable to all.”²

2. Yoga, while my time at the ashram was challenging both mentally and physically,

it has been the one area of my trip I am constantly referring back to, whether in my writing, my personal thoughts or advice given to others. Therefore I applied and was accepted to the Moksha Yoga Teacher Training program. While I don’t know if teaching is for me, the spiritual and philosophical aspects of yoga have had such a positive effect on me. Therefore I want to dedicate my time and energy exploring these studies.

“He knows that his life is linked inextricably with that of others and he rejoices if he can help them to be happy.”³

3. Helping Others, traveling abroad gave me perspective that I was blindly unaware of prior to my travels. What resonated with me most was the fact that people were so enamored with the United States and the symbol of success and prosperity that it meant to them. I’ve taken for grated how much my homeland has provided for me. But on my return I was shown that while our country does provide many opportunities for some, there are so many others left behind. Equal opportunity has been a fighting slogan in our country from its origin. So cherishing that ideology I want to work in non-profit to help individuals in my community reach their goals and dreams.

“Love begets courage, moderation creates abundance and humility generates power.”⁴

The year has begun, and with two of the three areas of my adventure underway I am learning new things daily. It’s interesting that I had to leave the country, entering a new world completely outside my comfort zone to prepare me for a year of challenges back home. While I’m surrounded by things I know, my experiences daily are so drastically different that I still feel like I am in a foreign country. I remind myself that if I could survive riding a bike through rush hour traffic in Delhi India, I can survive Chicago. For the time being I’m looking and applying for non-profit jobs and learning what it means to live on a tight budget. I know I will miss the financial comforts that came from my corporate job, living on a restricted budget will be one of my greatest challenges. I know it sounds spoiled and consumerist, but I recognize that I have been very fortunate to have lived the life I had. My restricted budget is to teach me that living within your means and not being consumed with wants will only help strengthen my ability to be content. I’m ready for the challenge and I have a feeling that the stories and struggles that come from it will be enlightening.

“Without experiencing human love and happiness, it is not possible to know divine love.”⁵

 

 

¹ BKS Iyengar. Light on Yoga. Harper Colins Publishers, 2008. 30.

² BKS Iyengar. Light on Yoga. Harper Colins Publishers, 2008. 27.

³ BKS Iyengar. Light on Yoga. Harper Colins Publishers, 2008. 32.

⁴ BKS Iyengar. Light on Yoga. Harper Colins Publishers, 2008. 29.

⁵ BKS Iyengar. Light on Yoga. Harper Colins Publishers, 2008. 35.

Voices In My Head

***Hi All, so there will be more Vietnam to come, I can’t not tell you how I may have gone a little over board when having clothes made for me in Hoi An or how a woman shoved meat skewers into my mouth, vegan doesn’t translate in Vietnamese. But I thought I would get some up to date blogs posted. So stay tuned.

Voices were pounding in my head, news feed after news feed all the reporter could do was talk of death, remembrance of those we had lost and constant cut ins with presidential address updates. More images, the President speaks, and then we jump back to the morning news show and some man is jumping around with the newest dance moves, while everyone else is painfully trying to imitate him. My head was spinning; this was my introduction back into US news and television. I’d been home for a week but my assimilation process was a slow one. When I walked off the plane in Los Angeles and through customs I wanted to kiss the ground, what can I say being abroad has both negative and positive affects on your beliefs of you own country. But reading the customs sign Thank You and Welcome to the United States had me brimming with joy. When the customs agent asked, “why were you traveling in India, Thailand, Cambodia and Vietnam?” I smiled and said, “I was trying to figure out my life.” Ok yes the smile held a hint of sarcasm and my response earned me a confused look, but then he said, “welcome home,” and it felt so right.

So after the tearful embrace and love from my parents and Lulu I was whisked home where I enjoyed a veggie meal and after 30 hours of travel and very little sleep I fell into bed ready to crash for what I had hopped would be about two days worth of shuteye. Lying in bed wide-awake at 3 am I realized it was going to take time to adjust. So after a week of very little interaction with the outside world I decided to watch my favorite morning news show, Good Morning America with my favorite morning news anchor, Josh Elliott, he is just so dreamy, gotta love those really tall men. Dreamy-ness aside, I was overwhelmed by the images, sounds and entertainment. As I tried to process the fact that my travels had sealed me in a bubble of protection from all things US, my protective layer was now popped. First realization, I’ve missed a lot; see, I used to have a reputation of being the entertainment queen, ask me a question about Hollywood I could tell you who, where and when. Now I was at a loss, but the weird part was I wasn’t that concerned about getting caught up. Instead I became completely overwhelmed with questions of my own unsteady future, as well as images, media reports and social media updates of injustices of the present. While abroad there were many behaviors I experienced that I had to accept because this was “their” culture. Well honey not anymore this is my culture and I was blatantly aware that everything was wrong. All of this culminated into a completely irrational battle of wills in my head. As I drove along trying to process all of these emotions and thoughts I realized I was surrounded by silence, there was no honking, no chaos, and no people. I realized that I while the chaos of the streets, sounds and experiences of South East Asia were gone, I now was facing a new chaos. While the world around me was no longer new and unknown, the chaos was now in my mind and I didn’t know if there was anyway to be free of it.

At that very thought, I realized that the chaos in my mind was all self induced. A major theme in the yoga philosophy is to gain purification through the mind with the right attitude. In yoga attitude is acceptance, and a major part of acceptance is that we need to understand and accept what we can and cannot control. I cannot change the world around me; I cannot change the way that my neighbors treat their neighbors (figuratively). All I can change and control is myself. So first things first, maybe limit my television news time. While I can’t become ignorant to what is happening in this world, I can be more particular about where I get my information from. Second, I can take a breath, relax, and maybe take another breath, and then smile, because I’m home.

 

Oh No Caught In A Scam

In Thailand, and now I’m finding Vietnam there is a saying “Same, Same.” And then occasionally the locals add in “Same, Same, but different.” It get’s confusing because you hear same, same and then you wait for the different and then you get everything mixed up so you don’t know whether it’s the same or it’s different. Well I never really knew how to use this phrase until I got on the train in Sapa to head back to Hanoi. I had paid for a roundtrip train ticket and therefore my expectation would be that the train you arrived in was the train you returned in, Same Same… but no the train I left in was Same Same only because it was a train, but it was oh so different. While I wouldn’t have said my first train was high class, now, in comparison to the return trip, I was blatantly informed that I arrived in style and was leaving in cargo. As I walked on the train I was transported to a frat house surrounded by loud, rowdy men. For some reason these men thought that it was ok to get as comfortable as possible while traveling and stripped down to their boxers. I don’t know what part of a  public sleeping train reads get as comfortable as you do in your own home, but I prayed that none of this rowdy bunch was sharing a car with me and climbed around them to get to my berth. Luckily a old Chinese man was below me and I was thankful that the party wouldn’t be continuing in our sleeper.

That was until the family of eight loaded in. They put all their bags on the top bunk and piled into to the lower bunk. Imagine this,  lying on the bed I barely fit head to toe. I tried not to stare but I was just so amazed that eight people could fit on one bed, and the fact that I didn’t realize purchasing one bed meant you could stick as many people as you wanted on it. Well 30 minutes into our journey at one of the stops two men came in indicating that they were actually the ticket holders for those beds and the family of eight left. Realizing I may be getting some sleep, I put my earphones in and played the soundtrack of Garden State on continuos loop for the rest of the night. Of course restless is the only way to describe my sleeping patterns on a train and when we pulled into the station at Hanoi at 4:30 in the morning I was just so grateful that I had called my previous hotel and paid for a half day stay so that I could get a couple of hours of sleep. Groggily I climbed down from the top bunk and walked out into the hallway. The floor was strewn with cigarette butts and playing cards. I obviously missed quite the party.

And then my amazing travel judgment seemed to vanish into thin air as I stepped off the train into the morning madness. Cab drivers huddled around the entrance just waiting to grab you as you walked off. The first guy to get my attention grabbed me and dragged me out of the station. I should have known, I’d been forewarned not only by the books but also by my hotel. There are only specific taxi services to use in Hanoi, because the rest are scammers. They have fixed their meters so that they run at a high rate. But with the chaos, yelling and lack of sleep I got into the cab with a sick feeling in my stomach.

The minute we entered the empty streets I knew I had been played, the meter read 5,000 then jumped to 35,000 and then hit 100,000. To give you some perspective my ride from the hotel to the train station three days earlier cost me a total of 24,000 dong. My heart started to race. I wasn’t going to pay that. No one was going to take advantage of me. But it was 4:30 in the morning, the streets were empty and dark and I am a woman traveling alone, I needed to be smart. When I started to see some familiar street signs I told the cab driver that the meter was broken and I wasn’t going to pay that amount, it had now reached 143,000 dong. Not speaking English but understanding that I knew what was going on he pulled over. I got out and luckily was able to get my bag from the trunk of the car. Not knowing what to do I started to walk towards my hotel. He got out and told me to pay him (this entire conversation took place in very broken English). I told him that I knew the meter was broken and that I wasn’t going to pay him that price. He countered and said fine 100,000, I told him no he couldn’t negotiate a price that I would only pay 24,000. Now you have to understand at this point I was motivated by principal. It’s one thing to try to sell your goods on the street for a price that may be a little high, it’s another thing to take advantage of a woman, or really anyone at 4:30 in the morning while they are alone. This man may have thought he was in for an easy steal, but no, you don’t mess with me because not only will I not pay you I’ll also kick you in the balls (figuratively). Ok, so no violence was resorted to, but when I threatened to call the cops I then realized that that statement carried no threat at all. I knew I needed a third party to intervene. I went to the hotel in front of me and knocked on the glass, mean while dealing with the driver who was now asking for 50,000 dong. Thank God the man on night watch heard my knock because he immediately became my interpreter. I explained the situation and he told me that the driver was saying he had driven me three kilometers. I asked what the rate per kilometer was and he said 15,000 dong. I then told him to tell the driver I would pay 45,000 dong. Needing change I asked the doorman if he could break a 100,000 and we stepped into the hotel. As I was taking the money out my hands where shaking uncontrollably, mainly from adrenaline rather than fear. But the sweet young man who had come to my aid saw my hands and said “mam everything is going to be all right.” Well all my courage broke and I burst into tears. Whether it was exhaustion or simply being completely overwhelmed I apologized for having to rely on him. He gave me the change and I walked outside and threw it into the cab and told the driver he should be ashamed of himself. While he may not have understood what I said I know I made his job a little more difficult which made me happy.

But then I realized I had put myself in a worse situation because this driver knew my hotel name. Walking back into the hotel still crying the young man told me to sit and when he returned he gave me a warm glass of water to help calm my nerves. He then apologized over and over for taxi driver’s behavior, he said this was not what the Vietnamese people want Westerns to think of their country and that he was so sorry I had to experience it. I told him that up until this point I had truly enjoyed my experience in his country. Looking at his watch he told me his shift had just ended and he wanted to walk me to my hotel to make sure I was safe. For the entire three minute walk he talked about how much I was going to enjoy Hoi An and other parts of Vietnam. His kindness was so overwhelming that any animosity that had arisen due to my scamming altercation completely faded away. Once at the hotel he wished me luck and I wanted to hug him and thank him again for his kindness, but I knew that wasn’t appropriate so I put my hands in prayer form and bowed thanking him again for his help. The kindness of strangers can change your life, something to think about the next time you see someone a little lost.

Needless to say the train ride and taxi were same, same but oh so drastically different. I learned a valuable lesson about scamming, but with some time to reflect on the mornings activities I also realized that I need to be smarter about standing up for myself. This situation could have been drastically different and what for a couple of dollars? But I was riding on a cloud of principal and it was a good lesson to learn. Most importantly in the past a situation like this may have tainted my entire view of the city or country, but I realized that this was just one man’s actions and I didn’t let it spoil my time in Hanoi. Just remember when in Hanoi only use the Mai Linh taxi company which is the green taxis or Hanoi Tourist Taxi, and know that there are plenty of copycats.

Sapa Enlightenment

I don’t know whether it is the fresh mountain air, the energy coursing through my veins from the exercise of the hike or just the majestic waterfall in front of me, but all I can do is smile and enjoy everything that surrounds me. It was a moment of peace heightened by my euphoric state of mind. As I was taking in the view I realized that there seems to be some amazing order to the way in which I planned my travels. With each destination I’ve learned something new that benefits my experience in the next country.
I am amused by how in love I am with the surroundings of Vietnam. I can’t help but wonder if there was a greater power who helped in designing my itinerary to get me to this point of elation. India showed me chaos and garbage that has yet to compare to anything I’ve ever experienced. Thailand showed me the kindness of scam artist and taught me to be polite but not naive. Thailand also taught me to book my room ahead of my arrival, even just by a day or two so that you are not bombarded and overwhelmed by the chaos at every airport, bus station, train station and port, by people trying to lure you into their hotel, dive shop or taxi. Cambodia taught me that a smile with a no thank you is all you need, and that the begging is apart of the countries struggle.

Therefore life in Vietnam has been easy. While my time in Sapa was surrounded by local village woman trying to hoc their wares, I realized that again they are just trying to make a living. It’s funny, they have the same speech planned out for every tourist they meet. I heard it over and over again I begin to wonder whether they just have a script to follow or whether they actually know what you are saying. But it goes like this, “Hello, what is your name, where are you from, did you arrive to Sapa today?” No matter who you run into this is the routine. While I was hiking alone I would be approached by these woman asking the same questions and I would answer and then as they continued to walk with me. I explained that they are more then welcome to join me but I had already done all my shopping and therefore I was not going to buy anything else. There responses varied from “But you haven’t bought anything from me” to “ok, maybe you buy something later.” And yes while this is more of a hindrance then anything else you can’t let it affect you. You can either play along and interact with them or you can firmly say no thank you and continue on.

So my travels have led me to a more calm place. While the occasional bump in the road has taught me many things, I have to wonder whether I would be having the same experience in Vietnam had this been my first destination, because guess what I am in love. This country is so spectacularly beautiful and the people are wonderful, inviting and kind. I am so grateful for all I’ve learned along the way because even if my time in Vietnam is seen through rose colored glasses, I’m just thrilled that I can say that I’m enjoying my time here.

All My Bags Are Packed… But I’m Not Sure

So my travel time has come to an end and I’ve been trying to process my feelings. I’ve really been all over the board of emotions. Pure elation at the thought of seeing my family and friends. Feeling their hugging embrace, I’ve missed hugs. Seeing my beautiful baby Lulu whose face is on every iProduct screen I own. And of course the creature comforts that the US holds, hair products, bagels and tofutti cream cheese, the cold bite of autumn air that indicates a change in seasons.

But my travels have changed my life, I left as a cautious, high maintenance by choice woman and I’ve laughed in the face of bed bugs, cockroaches, muck slick streets and who knew, but I may be the better for it. A deeper analysis of how this has affected me is to come but for now I am most focusing on the transition.

Life is about to change and while in Hoi An I was slapped in the face by everything that I had left behind and everything I was hoping to change. Its truly my fault I stated to think about bills, mortgages and money and then came… resumes, cover letters, applications, searching, searching, searching. I screamed at my self “WAIT, your in Vietnam and your consuming your time with all of this.” So I am obviously having a internal struggle. Half of me is frantically racing through employment listings trying to find the perfect future for myself and the other half of me is shaking her head fuming because I am waisting what little time I have in my last week focusing on the future and not being present.

What is a girl to do. I know I am about to face a huge transitional shift between this leisurely life of travel and exploration to a life of income, mortgages and calendar updates and I don’t know what to do. While I am anxiously awaiting wearing a pair of jeans and some type of footwear other then my rusty now dusty Keens, I also feel the anxiety boiling in my stomach fearing, “what if I’m not happy?” Life on the road has not been easy, but its been the most rewarding time of my life. How do I transition that feeling of fulfillment into a life dictated by “grown-up affairs”.

I read through my notes from the ashram and found this little quote from Mata Ji ” Does wealth lead to security, no, those who are wealthy have the most to lose. The baker gets a good nights sleep because he has nothing to lose.” Yes while I know consumerism and business would laugh in the face of this philosophy it actually made me smile. I knew right then that money can’t dictate my life. Yes while I need some to survive, and I’ve made financial commitments to people and institutions therefore I need to uphold those contracts, I can’t let money be the reason for work, career and life. It has always stressed me out, and I just want t good nights sleep. This may be naive, but right then and there I shut off all my searching and headed into town to enjoy my last few days. 

And so here I am, I am freaked out about heading home, while a loving embrace will make tears spill out of me, I also have no idea how this transition is going to go. While I don’t think this trip was a way to run away from my past. It was a way to leave it all behind and get perspective. The perspective I got was life changing I just don’t know if it translates in to US living. So there you have it, I will walk on the plane with excitement that keeps me from sleeping, but anxiety of what lays ahead. I just need to remind myself to “be the baker.”

The Not So Quiet American

My ugly American attitude raised its voice today and I was in paradise and confused by this behavior. After two days of overwhelming chaos in Bangkok we headed to the island of Ko Samui, which is in the Gulf of Thailand. Elated to finally be getting to wear a bathing suit and enjoy some relaxation I was brimming with energy at the airport.

Once we arrived in Samui I was just as excited to find our hotel way above my budgeting standards and as we wandered to the beach I was ready for sun, sand and relaxation. But we found no chairs, no shade and only high temperatures. Yes I know shade and sun bathing don’t go together very well. As my brother in law pointed out on our last family vacation we love being at the beach but only if we are a hundred percent covered in the shade. Sun and the Marshall clan don’t compliment each other well. Not to digress, but anyway, with no shade and no reclining chairs Britta and I managed to find a less then desirable spot in the sand (I know bare with me it gets worse).

But the issue of shade and comfortable chairs came up again as that was all I could focus my attention on (yes rather then focusing on the lapping of the waves or the heat of the sun).

All I wanted was a chaise lounge on the beach with an umbrella, I know I sound a little spoiled (ok maybe totally and utterly spoiled).

As I tried to work with the beach staff to find my fixation, I told Britta in a frustrated tone, “no one speaks English and understands what I am asking.” Yes those words came out of my mouth (don’t judge me too harshly it was a moment of weakness and I am almost too embarrassed to write this).

While I understand that travel and foreign frustrations are just natural human behavior, I have strived to accept my international place in this country and have worked to be a understanding guest (hell I’m in their country and all I can say is hello and thank you).

But with all my practice and all my patience this island setting couldn’t calm my nerves and I lashed out. Once comfortably settled on a lounge and watching the waves roll in I asked myself why was I behaving this way. I was in what some would consider island paradise and yet my attitude needed some major adjustment. Not being able to answer my own attitude problem, I finally managed to relax into a puddle of calm and let the frustrations of earlier wash away. With that came a better enjoyment of the island, the noise that surrounded us and the view.

Well today taught me that even in paradise I am only human and therefore I may react accordingly. Patience is a virtue and one that I will continually have to work towards.

I just hope that all that I have learned along the way won’t disappear the minute I am frustrated or cranky. Putting my philosophies into action and actually living by them will be the truest test.

Of course the sunset and a mia tai had me sinking into a further state of relaxation and I am now ready to see what other challenges lay in wait.

Age Is Just A Number…

Age is just a number but I will say 29 held some pressures that I didn’t fully know how to process until today.

“Why is 30 such a big celebration for western cultures?” Hmmm how to answer this question for an entire culture without pigeon holding us all into one category. I smiled as my cooking instructor asked me this question. She had waited until the woman who was turning 30 had left the class I think trying to be polite in case my answer was too personal. “Well I can’t answer for everyone, but my opinion of the 30th birthday celebration for western cultures is because this is a transitional time in our lives where we end the youthful confusion that our twenties presents us and enter into a age of responsibility and maturity.” I gave some examples to go along with my definition, such as the fact that usually around 30 people begin to settle down, gain job security, get married, have babies, buy houses, etc. But I reiterated that this was just my opinion, and then laughed and told her that, not only had I just quit my job/career but that I was very single and not anywhere near ready for children. I do own a home so at least one item on my check list is accomplished.

So now I have officially entered into the last 365 days until the big 3-0 and that pressure I mentioned earlier has completely faded away. While my description for 30 had some of the stereotypical expectations that come with the age, being here and following my own path has made me realize that I can be happy not following the flock. I laugh when I meet people along the way, I usually get asked if I just graduated university hence why I am traveling, I smile hoping that my youthful looks are what prompted that question rather then people just trying to be polite, but tell them no I quit my job and I’m traveling. This answer doesn’t get looks of horror or shock, usually I get congratulations and words of encouragement.

With no pressure I rang in 29 alone, but with much love coming state side. You all have been so supportive and the words of love made me feel as if you were all just down the mountain from me. Yes I have left sea level and climbed about 5,000 feet to a town called Sapa in the northern region of Vietnam. I am surrounded by lush mountains and cool air, a tropical version of Park City, so I am in heaven. For the birthday celebration I awoke from a restless night of sleep on a train that hurtled me from Hanoi up to Lao Cai, which is about an hour from Sapa. The night train was a first for me and an experience to say the least, not a restful night of sleep, but no real horror stories to report. When I arrived at my guesthouse I was beyond pleased with my room and the decor. I enjoyed a couple of doughnut holes I had bought from a street vendor in Hanoi and fell asleep for an hour. Then it was time to hike down the mountain away from Sapa, through the rice paddies to the little villages below. The decent was a slippery, muddy nightmare. Flanked on all sides by local H’mong tribal woman I was anxious that I would either fall in the mud or fall off the side the of the mountain. And then a small hand with a strong grip grabbed me and proceeded to lead me down the mountain. Her name was Hi and while she may have been 90 pounds she became my walking stick and balancing aid for the decent. Her strength was shocking and she kept me on my feet which was a true talent. I tried to explain to her that I was naturally clumsy as we were walking on a balance beam of mud between different rice paddy fields. She just smiled and kept asking if I was ok.

My birthday ended with a cold beer, tofu, a almond tart, and a amazing night of sleep in the cold mountain air. I know not the extravaganza I am used to having for a birthday celebration, but a nice way to ring in a new year and a new chapter in my life. Now I believe that age is just a number and it is what you do for yourself and the people around you during that year that matters most.

En Route Mid Air

I’m interrupting my chronology of events by giving you all a update on my current travels and whereabouts. I am about two weeks behind on my posts but get ready they will be coming over the next week daily. Currently I am en route to Vietnam for my last two weeks of travel. With that comes the realization and acceptance that heading home is just around the corner.

It is amazing what a hot shower and shaving your legs for the first time in two weeks can do for your state of mind. While I am eagerly looking forward to my hair straightener, make-up and non-travel clothing and footwear, this lifestyle of “non-vanity” has been a time saver. But when you are covered in bruises, remnants of blistered bed bug bites and a head full of frizzy hair, you start to miss the comforts and beauty regimes of home.

In the last couple of days with Britta (my friend from Chicago who has joined me for two weeks) in Thailand’s southern islands my heart was weighted with sadness as I realized that my time with my travel companion was rapidly coming to an end. The comfort of traveling with a friend gave me a confidence in exploring and interacting with our surroundings that I hadn’t had in Cambodia. I was sad our time was ending, I was sad that my trip was beginning it’s final leg and I was starting to feel the stress that my return trip held within it. Not the travel, but the reality that this “travel freedom” is in it’s final chapter and it is now time to embrace life and my responsibilities in the US. Most importantly the question of what my career holds for me. Feeling a suffocating panic with these thoughts I tried to push them from my mind. But I realized that embracing these fears and accepting them for what they are is a better way to handle the stress. 

What I have learned about solo travel is that while you have the ability to go with the wind, eat, sleep and be however you want without having to check in with others it is also a lonely experience. Not in a bad way, but you experience everything by yourself, which leads to many funny conversations with yourself. Myself and I will be even closer by the end if that is possible. Needless to say I am about to enter two weeks of solitary travel and while I was first saddened by this I have now come to embrace the freedom it offers and spend the time focusing on what’s next. Don’t get me wrong I have met wonderful people from all over the world while on my own. I find doing day trips and classes is the best way to spend time with strangers, but after being with my Chicago comfort for two weeks I now know it is not the same. While it is nice to not have to consider someone else’s needs while you travel, it is not as much fun to laugh by yourself, eat by yourself, or even experience new worlds by yourself. Knowing this would I have changed my mind about my travels? No. While alone may be an entirely different experience, it does teach you a lot, and you do become stronger and more independent for it. Therefore I woke this morning clean from my shower with silky soft legs and a feeling of excitement as I venture into the final chapter of this journey.

I have said from the beginning that I didn’t want to focus on the future that awaits me back home for fear the stress would somehow ruin my present experience. But the thoughts of “what is next” are never far from reach and I have started to brainstorm a plan for my return. While I am not ready to put my thoughts in writing, I do realize that much of my fear about the future lies within the fact that I will be taking risks and starting new things. But with great risk comes great reward, right? While my greatest fear is failure itself, I have learned that if I accept failure like I accept success I won’t have anything to fear. Maybe that is what this trip has taught me, that even when the road is bumpy, full of tears and bruises and blisters I still seem to learn and gain more then I ever would had I stayed in the comforts of my air conditioned Chicago condo.

Thoughts to work on and process while we land into my final country and leg of my travels. Now its time to send you back a couple of weeks to my Cambodian experience, one part of my journey that was full of many bumps.