Leaving Corporate America

“Constant practice alone is the secret of success.”¹

What is success? In life, in love, in careers, we all have our own understanding and definition of success. For myself success used to be equated to financial stability. It was important to me in those early years to stand on my own and be employed, climbing the corporate ladder and being showered with pay raises, bonuses, profit sharing plans and positive reviews from upper management. When I made the conscious decision to quit my job I knew I was most likely leaving all that behind.  I’ll be completely honest with you, everyday I weigh the pros and cons of financial stability with my current situation and time and again the current wins, but it is a continuous debate I have. That’s probably because my current situation is one influx, but after living abroad for 9 weeks this is what I have learned about myself, success to me is happiness and contentment of my mind, body and spirit, a balancing act between all areas of my life. So as of September 15, 2012 I began my year in pursuit of happiness.

With no real direction I had to think about the different areas of my life for which I had passion and use these passions as markers to begin my exploration:

1. Food, I love cooking, but I have always been concerned that if I took my passion for cooking and turned it into a career I would get burnt out. Not to mention I have no professional experience and my only semi-restaurant experience was being a counter server at the clam shack on Cape Cod for two summers in high school. So with that I’ve taken a chef’s assistant job at the Chopping Block, a recreational cooking school for the home cook.

“The yogi understands the faults of others by seeing and studying them first in himself. This self-study teaches him to be charitable to all.”²

2. Yoga, while my time at the ashram was challenging both mentally and physically,

it has been the one area of my trip I am constantly referring back to, whether in my writing, my personal thoughts or advice given to others. Therefore I applied and was accepted to the Moksha Yoga Teacher Training program. While I don’t know if teaching is for me, the spiritual and philosophical aspects of yoga have had such a positive effect on me. Therefore I want to dedicate my time and energy exploring these studies.

“He knows that his life is linked inextricably with that of others and he rejoices if he can help them to be happy.”³

3. Helping Others, traveling abroad gave me perspective that I was blindly unaware of prior to my travels. What resonated with me most was the fact that people were so enamored with the United States and the symbol of success and prosperity that it meant to them. I’ve taken for grated how much my homeland has provided for me. But on my return I was shown that while our country does provide many opportunities for some, there are so many others left behind. Equal opportunity has been a fighting slogan in our country from its origin. So cherishing that ideology I want to work in non-profit to help individuals in my community reach their goals and dreams.

“Love begets courage, moderation creates abundance and humility generates power.”⁴

The year has begun, and with two of the three areas of my adventure underway I am learning new things daily. It’s interesting that I had to leave the country, entering a new world completely outside my comfort zone to prepare me for a year of challenges back home. While I’m surrounded by things I know, my experiences daily are so drastically different that I still feel like I am in a foreign country. I remind myself that if I could survive riding a bike through rush hour traffic in Delhi India, I can survive Chicago. For the time being I’m looking and applying for non-profit jobs and learning what it means to live on a tight budget. I know I will miss the financial comforts that came from my corporate job, living on a restricted budget will be one of my greatest challenges. I know it sounds spoiled and consumerist, but I recognize that I have been very fortunate to have lived the life I had. My restricted budget is to teach me that living within your means and not being consumed with wants will only help strengthen my ability to be content. I’m ready for the challenge and I have a feeling that the stories and struggles that come from it will be enlightening.

“Without experiencing human love and happiness, it is not possible to know divine love.”⁵

 

 

¹ BKS Iyengar. Light on Yoga. Harper Colins Publishers, 2008. 30.

² BKS Iyengar. Light on Yoga. Harper Colins Publishers, 2008. 27.

³ BKS Iyengar. Light on Yoga. Harper Colins Publishers, 2008. 32.

⁴ BKS Iyengar. Light on Yoga. Harper Colins Publishers, 2008. 29.

⁵ BKS Iyengar. Light on Yoga. Harper Colins Publishers, 2008. 35.

Voices In My Head

***Hi All, so there will be more Vietnam to come, I can’t not tell you how I may have gone a little over board when having clothes made for me in Hoi An or how a woman shoved meat skewers into my mouth, vegan doesn’t translate in Vietnamese. But I thought I would get some up to date blogs posted. So stay tuned.

Voices were pounding in my head, news feed after news feed all the reporter could do was talk of death, remembrance of those we had lost and constant cut ins with presidential address updates. More images, the President speaks, and then we jump back to the morning news show and some man is jumping around with the newest dance moves, while everyone else is painfully trying to imitate him. My head was spinning; this was my introduction back into US news and television. I’d been home for a week but my assimilation process was a slow one. When I walked off the plane in Los Angeles and through customs I wanted to kiss the ground, what can I say being abroad has both negative and positive affects on your beliefs of you own country. But reading the customs sign Thank You and Welcome to the United States had me brimming with joy. When the customs agent asked, “why were you traveling in India, Thailand, Cambodia and Vietnam?” I smiled and said, “I was trying to figure out my life.” Ok yes the smile held a hint of sarcasm and my response earned me a confused look, but then he said, “welcome home,” and it felt so right.

So after the tearful embrace and love from my parents and Lulu I was whisked home where I enjoyed a veggie meal and after 30 hours of travel and very little sleep I fell into bed ready to crash for what I had hopped would be about two days worth of shuteye. Lying in bed wide-awake at 3 am I realized it was going to take time to adjust. So after a week of very little interaction with the outside world I decided to watch my favorite morning news show, Good Morning America with my favorite morning news anchor, Josh Elliott, he is just so dreamy, gotta love those really tall men. Dreamy-ness aside, I was overwhelmed by the images, sounds and entertainment. As I tried to process the fact that my travels had sealed me in a bubble of protection from all things US, my protective layer was now popped. First realization, I’ve missed a lot; see, I used to have a reputation of being the entertainment queen, ask me a question about Hollywood I could tell you who, where and when. Now I was at a loss, but the weird part was I wasn’t that concerned about getting caught up. Instead I became completely overwhelmed with questions of my own unsteady future, as well as images, media reports and social media updates of injustices of the present. While abroad there were many behaviors I experienced that I had to accept because this was “their” culture. Well honey not anymore this is my culture and I was blatantly aware that everything was wrong. All of this culminated into a completely irrational battle of wills in my head. As I drove along trying to process all of these emotions and thoughts I realized I was surrounded by silence, there was no honking, no chaos, and no people. I realized that I while the chaos of the streets, sounds and experiences of South East Asia were gone, I now was facing a new chaos. While the world around me was no longer new and unknown, the chaos was now in my mind and I didn’t know if there was anyway to be free of it.

At that very thought, I realized that the chaos in my mind was all self induced. A major theme in the yoga philosophy is to gain purification through the mind with the right attitude. In yoga attitude is acceptance, and a major part of acceptance is that we need to understand and accept what we can and cannot control. I cannot change the world around me; I cannot change the way that my neighbors treat their neighbors (figuratively). All I can change and control is myself. So first things first, maybe limit my television news time. While I can’t become ignorant to what is happening in this world, I can be more particular about where I get my information from. Second, I can take a breath, relax, and maybe take another breath, and then smile, because I’m home.

 

All My Bags Are Packed… But I’m Not Sure

So my travel time has come to an end and I’ve been trying to process my feelings. I’ve really been all over the board of emotions. Pure elation at the thought of seeing my family and friends. Feeling their hugging embrace, I’ve missed hugs. Seeing my beautiful baby Lulu whose face is on every iProduct screen I own. And of course the creature comforts that the US holds, hair products, bagels and tofutti cream cheese, the cold bite of autumn air that indicates a change in seasons.

But my travels have changed my life, I left as a cautious, high maintenance by choice woman and I’ve laughed in the face of bed bugs, cockroaches, muck slick streets and who knew, but I may be the better for it. A deeper analysis of how this has affected me is to come but for now I am most focusing on the transition.

Life is about to change and while in Hoi An I was slapped in the face by everything that I had left behind and everything I was hoping to change. Its truly my fault I stated to think about bills, mortgages and money and then came… resumes, cover letters, applications, searching, searching, searching. I screamed at my self “WAIT, your in Vietnam and your consuming your time with all of this.” So I am obviously having a internal struggle. Half of me is frantically racing through employment listings trying to find the perfect future for myself and the other half of me is shaking her head fuming because I am waisting what little time I have in my last week focusing on the future and not being present.

What is a girl to do. I know I am about to face a huge transitional shift between this leisurely life of travel and exploration to a life of income, mortgages and calendar updates and I don’t know what to do. While I am anxiously awaiting wearing a pair of jeans and some type of footwear other then my rusty now dusty Keens, I also feel the anxiety boiling in my stomach fearing, “what if I’m not happy?” Life on the road has not been easy, but its been the most rewarding time of my life. How do I transition that feeling of fulfillment into a life dictated by “grown-up affairs”.

I read through my notes from the ashram and found this little quote from Mata Ji ” Does wealth lead to security, no, those who are wealthy have the most to lose. The baker gets a good nights sleep because he has nothing to lose.” Yes while I know consumerism and business would laugh in the face of this philosophy it actually made me smile. I knew right then that money can’t dictate my life. Yes while I need some to survive, and I’ve made financial commitments to people and institutions therefore I need to uphold those contracts, I can’t let money be the reason for work, career and life. It has always stressed me out, and I just want t good nights sleep. This may be naive, but right then and there I shut off all my searching and headed into town to enjoy my last few days. 

And so here I am, I am freaked out about heading home, while a loving embrace will make tears spill out of me, I also have no idea how this transition is going to go. While I don’t think this trip was a way to run away from my past. It was a way to leave it all behind and get perspective. The perspective I got was life changing I just don’t know if it translates in to US living. So there you have it, I will walk on the plane with excitement that keeps me from sleeping, but anxiety of what lays ahead. I just need to remind myself to “be the baker.”