Leaving Corporate America

“Constant practice alone is the secret of success.”¹

What is success? In life, in love, in careers, we all have our own understanding and definition of success. For myself success used to be equated to financial stability. It was important to me in those early years to stand on my own and be employed, climbing the corporate ladder and being showered with pay raises, bonuses, profit sharing plans and positive reviews from upper management. When I made the conscious decision to quit my job I knew I was most likely leaving all that behind.  I’ll be completely honest with you, everyday I weigh the pros and cons of financial stability with my current situation and time and again the current wins, but it is a continuous debate I have. That’s probably because my current situation is one influx, but after living abroad for 9 weeks this is what I have learned about myself, success to me is happiness and contentment of my mind, body and spirit, a balancing act between all areas of my life. So as of September 15, 2012 I began my year in pursuit of happiness.

With no real direction I had to think about the different areas of my life for which I had passion and use these passions as markers to begin my exploration:

1. Food, I love cooking, but I have always been concerned that if I took my passion for cooking and turned it into a career I would get burnt out. Not to mention I have no professional experience and my only semi-restaurant experience was being a counter server at the clam shack on Cape Cod for two summers in high school. So with that I’ve taken a chef’s assistant job at the Chopping Block, a recreational cooking school for the home cook.

“The yogi understands the faults of others by seeing and studying them first in himself. This self-study teaches him to be charitable to all.”²

2. Yoga, while my time at the ashram was challenging both mentally and physically,

it has been the one area of my trip I am constantly referring back to, whether in my writing, my personal thoughts or advice given to others. Therefore I applied and was accepted to the Moksha Yoga Teacher Training program. While I don’t know if teaching is for me, the spiritual and philosophical aspects of yoga have had such a positive effect on me. Therefore I want to dedicate my time and energy exploring these studies.

“He knows that his life is linked inextricably with that of others and he rejoices if he can help them to be happy.”³

3. Helping Others, traveling abroad gave me perspective that I was blindly unaware of prior to my travels. What resonated with me most was the fact that people were so enamored with the United States and the symbol of success and prosperity that it meant to them. I’ve taken for grated how much my homeland has provided for me. But on my return I was shown that while our country does provide many opportunities for some, there are so many others left behind. Equal opportunity has been a fighting slogan in our country from its origin. So cherishing that ideology I want to work in non-profit to help individuals in my community reach their goals and dreams.

“Love begets courage, moderation creates abundance and humility generates power.”⁴

The year has begun, and with two of the three areas of my adventure underway I am learning new things daily. It’s interesting that I had to leave the country, entering a new world completely outside my comfort zone to prepare me for a year of challenges back home. While I’m surrounded by things I know, my experiences daily are so drastically different that I still feel like I am in a foreign country. I remind myself that if I could survive riding a bike through rush hour traffic in Delhi India, I can survive Chicago. For the time being I’m looking and applying for non-profit jobs and learning what it means to live on a tight budget. I know I will miss the financial comforts that came from my corporate job, living on a restricted budget will be one of my greatest challenges. I know it sounds spoiled and consumerist, but I recognize that I have been very fortunate to have lived the life I had. My restricted budget is to teach me that living within your means and not being consumed with wants will only help strengthen my ability to be content. I’m ready for the challenge and I have a feeling that the stories and struggles that come from it will be enlightening.

“Without experiencing human love and happiness, it is not possible to know divine love.”⁵

 

 

¹ BKS Iyengar. Light on Yoga. Harper Colins Publishers, 2008. 30.

² BKS Iyengar. Light on Yoga. Harper Colins Publishers, 2008. 27.

³ BKS Iyengar. Light on Yoga. Harper Colins Publishers, 2008. 32.

⁴ BKS Iyengar. Light on Yoga. Harper Colins Publishers, 2008. 29.

⁵ BKS Iyengar. Light on Yoga. Harper Colins Publishers, 2008. 35.

Voices In My Head

***Hi All, so there will be more Vietnam to come, I can’t not tell you how I may have gone a little over board when having clothes made for me in Hoi An or how a woman shoved meat skewers into my mouth, vegan doesn’t translate in Vietnamese. But I thought I would get some up to date blogs posted. So stay tuned.

Voices were pounding in my head, news feed after news feed all the reporter could do was talk of death, remembrance of those we had lost and constant cut ins with presidential address updates. More images, the President speaks, and then we jump back to the morning news show and some man is jumping around with the newest dance moves, while everyone else is painfully trying to imitate him. My head was spinning; this was my introduction back into US news and television. I’d been home for a week but my assimilation process was a slow one. When I walked off the plane in Los Angeles and through customs I wanted to kiss the ground, what can I say being abroad has both negative and positive affects on your beliefs of you own country. But reading the customs sign Thank You and Welcome to the United States had me brimming with joy. When the customs agent asked, “why were you traveling in India, Thailand, Cambodia and Vietnam?” I smiled and said, “I was trying to figure out my life.” Ok yes the smile held a hint of sarcasm and my response earned me a confused look, but then he said, “welcome home,” and it felt so right.

So after the tearful embrace and love from my parents and Lulu I was whisked home where I enjoyed a veggie meal and after 30 hours of travel and very little sleep I fell into bed ready to crash for what I had hopped would be about two days worth of shuteye. Lying in bed wide-awake at 3 am I realized it was going to take time to adjust. So after a week of very little interaction with the outside world I decided to watch my favorite morning news show, Good Morning America with my favorite morning news anchor, Josh Elliott, he is just so dreamy, gotta love those really tall men. Dreamy-ness aside, I was overwhelmed by the images, sounds and entertainment. As I tried to process the fact that my travels had sealed me in a bubble of protection from all things US, my protective layer was now popped. First realization, I’ve missed a lot; see, I used to have a reputation of being the entertainment queen, ask me a question about Hollywood I could tell you who, where and when. Now I was at a loss, but the weird part was I wasn’t that concerned about getting caught up. Instead I became completely overwhelmed with questions of my own unsteady future, as well as images, media reports and social media updates of injustices of the present. While abroad there were many behaviors I experienced that I had to accept because this was “their” culture. Well honey not anymore this is my culture and I was blatantly aware that everything was wrong. All of this culminated into a completely irrational battle of wills in my head. As I drove along trying to process all of these emotions and thoughts I realized I was surrounded by silence, there was no honking, no chaos, and no people. I realized that I while the chaos of the streets, sounds and experiences of South East Asia were gone, I now was facing a new chaos. While the world around me was no longer new and unknown, the chaos was now in my mind and I didn’t know if there was anyway to be free of it.

At that very thought, I realized that the chaos in my mind was all self induced. A major theme in the yoga philosophy is to gain purification through the mind with the right attitude. In yoga attitude is acceptance, and a major part of acceptance is that we need to understand and accept what we can and cannot control. I cannot change the world around me; I cannot change the way that my neighbors treat their neighbors (figuratively). All I can change and control is myself. So first things first, maybe limit my television news time. While I can’t become ignorant to what is happening in this world, I can be more particular about where I get my information from. Second, I can take a breath, relax, and maybe take another breath, and then smile, because I’m home.

 

Sapa Enlightenment

I don’t know whether it is the fresh mountain air, the energy coursing through my veins from the exercise of the hike or just the majestic waterfall in front of me, but all I can do is smile and enjoy everything that surrounds me. It was a moment of peace heightened by my euphoric state of mind. As I was taking in the view I realized that there seems to be some amazing order to the way in which I planned my travels. With each destination I’ve learned something new that benefits my experience in the next country.
I am amused by how in love I am with the surroundings of Vietnam. I can’t help but wonder if there was a greater power who helped in designing my itinerary to get me to this point of elation. India showed me chaos and garbage that has yet to compare to anything I’ve ever experienced. Thailand showed me the kindness of scam artist and taught me to be polite but not naive. Thailand also taught me to book my room ahead of my arrival, even just by a day or two so that you are not bombarded and overwhelmed by the chaos at every airport, bus station, train station and port, by people trying to lure you into their hotel, dive shop or taxi. Cambodia taught me that a smile with a no thank you is all you need, and that the begging is apart of the countries struggle.

Therefore life in Vietnam has been easy. While my time in Sapa was surrounded by local village woman trying to hoc their wares, I realized that again they are just trying to make a living. It’s funny, they have the same speech planned out for every tourist they meet. I heard it over and over again I begin to wonder whether they just have a script to follow or whether they actually know what you are saying. But it goes like this, “Hello, what is your name, where are you from, did you arrive to Sapa today?” No matter who you run into this is the routine. While I was hiking alone I would be approached by these woman asking the same questions and I would answer and then as they continued to walk with me. I explained that they are more then welcome to join me but I had already done all my shopping and therefore I was not going to buy anything else. There responses varied from “But you haven’t bought anything from me” to “ok, maybe you buy something later.” And yes while this is more of a hindrance then anything else you can’t let it affect you. You can either play along and interact with them or you can firmly say no thank you and continue on.

So my travels have led me to a more calm place. While the occasional bump in the road has taught me many things, I have to wonder whether I would be having the same experience in Vietnam had this been my first destination, because guess what I am in love. This country is so spectacularly beautiful and the people are wonderful, inviting and kind. I am so grateful for all I’ve learned along the way because even if my time in Vietnam is seen through rose colored glasses, I’m just thrilled that I can say that I’m enjoying my time here.

Holy Hanoi!

Vietnam, a country that fills the pages of our history books with controversy and images of death that were the first to be viewed so regularly without censorship on the nightly news. This was how my generation was exposed to this period of our history. We were taught that Vietnam was a war with many different stories and sides and no real victor in the end. Other than my history education and the fact the the country is still communist today I really had no way to gauge where I was traveling. I’d heard many people exclaim how much they had loved their visits. But I had read many blog postings of travelers who fell victim to scams and whose trips were ruined by these experiences. Originally I chose this country because of it’s mystique. The pictures of scenery and culture where so stunning and yet antique as if the culture was trapped in time. And therefore I added it to the itinerary with hopes to experience the same charm and vibrance that radiated from the photographs.

For the first time arriving at the airport I wasn’t full of travel anxiety which I had continually experienced upon every other arrival, maybe I was becoming an old pro. As we started our drive into the city the chaos of traffic settled into a familiar rhythm I have grown accustomed to in this part of the world. The life of the city blurred into my view. My guide gave me some specific advice based on the area and pointed out various landmarks on our drive to the Old Quarter. As we passed a auto accident on the road she informed me that there were about 30 deaths daily due to the traffic and drivers inability to follow road rules. The chaos of the road didn’t fully sink in until a loud thud reverberated throughout the car. Looking around to see what we had just hit I realized the passengers side mirror had collided with a pedestrian crossing the street. The driver barely glanced in his rear view mirror to make sure the pedestrian was ok, and we continued on without pause. Looking behind me with fear and shock I realized that the pedestrian wasn’t too concerned either and continued across the street. I then realized I was again in a world so unknown to what I have possibly missed the most about the United States, order. As I sat in my hotel room I knew I could stay in this air conditioned safe haven or I could enter the chaos and explore this world. Going for the ladder I entered into the streets of Hanoi cautiously looking in all directions knowing my pedestrian status meant very little.

In the maze that is the Old Quarter of Hanoi I blindly wandered the streets on a food mission. Realizing on the plane that not only was there not a vegetarian option but that the salad that accompanied the meal was covered in meat, I knew that my Vietnam food adventure may include some unintentional animal products. But as I wandered through the streets this woman came up to me. Those look like doughnut holes, you can’t go wrong there, I purchased the three different types and immediately begin to sample them all. The darker of the three was the most sweet, with a sugary center. The other two were surprising, a subtle balance between savory and sweet. It may have been hunger or relief that there wasn’t pork filling, but I was content with my first purchase.

My next food stop introduced me to the newest love of my life… Vietnamese coffee, heaven on your taste buds. Vietnam is one of the largest coffee distributors. The Vietnamese tradition is to mix the coffee with sweetened condensed milk. I ordered an ice coffee with just a small amount of milk and I was in caffeine heaven. Every sip was strong and powerful, full of bold flavors I was so happy to be in the presence of real coffee once again.

When it was time for dinner I was on a street food mission looking for something authentic. Finding a kitchen with communal tables I sat in confusion not knowing whether someone would be taking my order or just bringing me food. I found someone who spoke a little English enough to understand that I wanted the noodle veggie concoction without meat. I was brought this, Bun Cha, usually it is sliced pork served with thin rice vermicelli noodles, a heap of fresh herbs and green vegetables, in a bowl of lightly sweetened nuoc mam (fish sauce) with floating slices of pickled vegetables. My order arrived without the meat and I dug into this new find, my culinary delight cost me a grand total of two dollars.

With some food success under my belt or in my belly I felt a little braver to explore the streets further. Wanting a sweet to end my night I found a smoothie shop. I ordered a papaya fruit shake and sat on these little benches that line the streets usually indicating a restaurant space. There I rested and savored all of my day. Thinking about how far I had come from my first introduction in Delhi. It’s amazing how quickly you adapt to your surroundings, I feel like a seasoned travel pro and yet my travel time is quickly coming to an end.

During one of my days in Hanoi I ventured outside the city for a day trip to the Perfume Pagoda, an amazing complex of pagodas and Buddhist shrines built into the karst cliffs of Huong Tich Mountain. Not only was the temple in the mountains and truly spectacular, but the ride to get there consisted of a hour boat trip paddled by these woman who seemed to poses supper power and strength. Then a hike to a gondola which flew you over the valleys and mountain scape to the top. The views and colors of this country are breathtaking, bright green rice fields, lime stone rock features and brown thick rivers flood every inch of view. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

On my last day I decided to devote an entire day walking around the Old Quarter of Hanoi, a intricate stream of alleyways and roadways weaving around and around. I tried to follow the Lonely Planet’s walking guide, but realized within minutes that like everything else in the Old Quarter chaos seemed to control the roads and I couldn’t distinguish one way from the other. So my walking tour turned into a eating tour, attempting to sample my way through the day I tried various street foods. The highlight was the bia hoi, Vietnamese draught beer or microwbrew. Brewed without preservatives this light bodied pilsner is meant to be consumed immediately and costs about twenty cents a glass. The beer was refreshing and there was some flavor to it so I didn’t feel as if I was drinking some light American beer. Bia Hoi shops occupy many street corners in Hanoi, again with the little plastic stools and you see then men enjoying the beer together at the end of the day. 
My day ended with another trip to my new found favorite restaurant. Knowing I can get good street food with no meat, I’ve returned to this place nightly. There is just something about the warm noodles and broth mixed with the veggies and herbs, it feels so fresh but filing at the same time.

And with that I said goodbye to the chaos of Hanoi and realized that while the streets are insanely, overly crowded, and the cars and bikes are all consuming, there is something about the energy of this city that makes you smile. Maybe it’s the fact that in the hectic mess of life they have a system that works so well.

All My Bags Are Packed… But I’m Not Sure

So my travel time has come to an end and I’ve been trying to process my feelings. I’ve really been all over the board of emotions. Pure elation at the thought of seeing my family and friends. Feeling their hugging embrace, I’ve missed hugs. Seeing my beautiful baby Lulu whose face is on every iProduct screen I own. And of course the creature comforts that the US holds, hair products, bagels and tofutti cream cheese, the cold bite of autumn air that indicates a change in seasons.

But my travels have changed my life, I left as a cautious, high maintenance by choice woman and I’ve laughed in the face of bed bugs, cockroaches, muck slick streets and who knew, but I may be the better for it. A deeper analysis of how this has affected me is to come but for now I am most focusing on the transition.

Life is about to change and while in Hoi An I was slapped in the face by everything that I had left behind and everything I was hoping to change. Its truly my fault I stated to think about bills, mortgages and money and then came… resumes, cover letters, applications, searching, searching, searching. I screamed at my self “WAIT, your in Vietnam and your consuming your time with all of this.” So I am obviously having a internal struggle. Half of me is frantically racing through employment listings trying to find the perfect future for myself and the other half of me is shaking her head fuming because I am waisting what little time I have in my last week focusing on the future and not being present.

What is a girl to do. I know I am about to face a huge transitional shift between this leisurely life of travel and exploration to a life of income, mortgages and calendar updates and I don’t know what to do. While I am anxiously awaiting wearing a pair of jeans and some type of footwear other then my rusty now dusty Keens, I also feel the anxiety boiling in my stomach fearing, “what if I’m not happy?” Life on the road has not been easy, but its been the most rewarding time of my life. How do I transition that feeling of fulfillment into a life dictated by “grown-up affairs”.

I read through my notes from the ashram and found this little quote from Mata Ji ” Does wealth lead to security, no, those who are wealthy have the most to lose. The baker gets a good nights sleep because he has nothing to lose.” Yes while I know consumerism and business would laugh in the face of this philosophy it actually made me smile. I knew right then that money can’t dictate my life. Yes while I need some to survive, and I’ve made financial commitments to people and institutions therefore I need to uphold those contracts, I can’t let money be the reason for work, career and life. It has always stressed me out, and I just want t good nights sleep. This may be naive, but right then and there I shut off all my searching and headed into town to enjoy my last few days. 

And so here I am, I am freaked out about heading home, while a loving embrace will make tears spill out of me, I also have no idea how this transition is going to go. While I don’t think this trip was a way to run away from my past. It was a way to leave it all behind and get perspective. The perspective I got was life changing I just don’t know if it translates in to US living. So there you have it, I will walk on the plane with excitement that keeps me from sleeping, but anxiety of what lays ahead. I just need to remind myself to “be the baker.”

Culture, Cuisine and Cambodia

If you can’t tell I am fascinated by cooking and cuisine. This isn’t anything new, I remember when I was young and my parents would come home from their date nights and I would make them tell me in detail what they ordered for dinner. I love food especially the preparation and cultural influence that goes into every meal. While yes, I don’t eat meat, I still appreciate all types of food and the celebration that surrounds every bite.

With that I signed up for another cooking adventure while in Cambodia. I knew nothing of Cambodian cuisine before I arrived but the cover of my cook book that was presented to me during class read this:

“Thank you for taking part in our cooking class. Cambodia’s tragic past has resulted in the loss of many recipes, and poverty means many families are unable to buy the ingredients needed for Khmer dishes. By participating in our class you are helping rebuild Cambodia’s culinary reputation and knowledge. Cambodian cuisine is not hot and spicy like its neighbors, but rather relies on layers of flavors from fresh herbs and spices. We hope you go home and share these dishes with your family and friends.”

So family and friends here are some of my favorites:
Khmer Mango Salad, a new competitor to my favorite papaya salad. This salad is made with green mango and a sauce that is the perfect balance of sweet, sour and salty a wonderfully refreshing experience in every bite.
Amok is a classic Khmer dish that is eaten during times of celebration. A savory, creamy curry that is the perfect balance of flavors. Because most families are too poor to purchase the ingredients for Amok it is only eaten during special occasions. It usually has fish in it, but I also had one with tofu that was just as good.

I learned how to properly roll fresh spring rolls. While the wonderful veggie combination inside provides for a healthy snack, the amazing dipping sauce that accompanies the dish is a must.
Finally look at what I made. As many of you know baking is a favorite pass time of mine and now I have a new treat to share with you all. Nom Tong Noun is a light thin cookie that reminded me of a really good cake ice cream cone. You use a special flat waffle iron to cook the cookies so I’ll have to find that but the fun design makes them ever so fancy.

Our class started with visiting a local village family. I was a little uncomfortable being in this families home because I felt as if they were on display for us or that we were intruding in their privacy. With every visit to this family’s home the class provides a pound of rice which helps the family immensely. I later asked my tour guide about my concerns and he told me that they enjoy meeting western people because they have never been exposed to western cultures, therefore it is an experience for them as well. He did give me three other factors to know when visiting a Cambodian home:

1. When offered food or drink you must always accept, even if you are vegetarian and they offer you a meat dish you must take a small bite as a sign of respect. It is incredibly disrespectful to say no to something that is offered to you.

2. Cambodians believe that if a meal is created it should be shared with everyone, therefore if you have left overs that you give as a hand out it is very disgraceful towards them.

3. If you want to bring gifts or candy for the village children don’t throw them on the ground or into the air for the children to gather. The parents see this as animal behavior and don’t want the children scavenging for the food off the ground.

As many of you know I have talked of adoption for some time. I had thought about visiting an orphanage while in Cambodia and then I saw this. I was so embarrassed that I hadn’t thought of that myself. Rather then going to an orphanage I found this restaurant Haven their mission states, “Haven is a training restaurant & sanctuary for young adult orphans in Cambodia who have to leave the orphanage and have nowhere to go. We offer these young people accommodation, food, medical treatment as well as a place to work and train in gastronomy. After they finish their training we help them find a permanent position. Our aim is to support these young people in their emotional and professional development and give them a real chance in life – and we believe that helping them to help themselves is the best form of support.”
The food was fantastic and supporting this cause is very important to me.

And so my time in Cambodia has come to an end. While it was a hard visit emotionally, I did learn a lot about the culture, history and myself. I will cherish my experience and time here.

Step Back In Time Through Cambodian Temples

Angkor Wat and the surrounding temples are a sites so historic and grand I do hope that everyone has a chance to visit them some day. Here is my three day adventure and what I saw and experienced at this UNESCO world heritage site.

Evening Before Day One: My Tuk Tuk driver took me to the ticketing office which opens at 4:45pm for tickets for the following day. By purchasing your ticket that evening you get admittance into the temples right then to watch the sun set. A three day pass will cost $40 (make sure it is for three non-consecutive days), while some were surprised by this price I do recommend giving yourself the flexibility of three days, that way you don’t become too overwhelmed with the sites and the crowds of people. Plus any organized tours that you choose to do do not include a pass so you will need to have purchased your own. The sunset temple is Phnom Bakheng. While the crowds of people can be heavy, they slowly start to dissipate as the evening continues so wait until the guards tell you the site is closed before heading down. The peacefulness of the site once the crowd has cleared is calming.

Day One:
A local Tuk Tuk driver will take you around the ruins of Angkor Wat and Angkor Thom for about $12. I used the same driver from the night before. We started at the gates of Angkor Thom. Then he took me to Bayon and told me to take my time wandering through the surrounding temples and to meet him near the Terrace of the Leper King. Bayon is a collection of 54 Gothic-style towers decorated with 216 smiling enormous faces that are said to resemble the king who created the city King Jayavarman VII.

After Bayon you’ll come across Baphuon, this temple is still active and therefore you need to dress accordingly. My outfit was not temple appropriate as my shoulders and knees where showing so I wandered to the next temple. This actually turned out to be a blessing as there is no way to avoid the crowds of bused in tourists. They seem to be everywhere and in every photo. Leaving the crowd behind I came across Phimeanakas a small temple, where if you are brave enough you can climb to the top. While the views and fresh air are spectacular, my legs were jelly and the descent was a slow one. I then wandered through the Terrace of the Elephants but I knew all along that I would be coming back to explore the area on bike later that week.
My driver asked if I wanted lunch but I knew that with everyone else eating I’d be able to avoid some of the crowds by heading straight to Angkor Wat. I wandered the temple for a couple hours bathing in the silence and the lack of people. I’m not sure whether it was the size of the temple or time of day but I loved every minute of the silence, I would recommend spending time in the temples between 12 and 3 it seems the time for people to take a break from their tours giving you an expansive area to explore in quiet. Again the top of Angkor Wat is an active temple and therefore you need to be dressed appropriately to climb the stairs.
After about four hours of wandering the temples, the heat and crowds wore me down and I was ready to head back to my hotel. It was nice knowing I didn’t have to rush through my exploration because I had more time.

Day Two:
This day I took advantage of a tour of the outside temples with the tour group Beyond Unique Escapes. My tour guide was a wealth of knowledge and there were only two of us on the tour so it felt very private. The out lying temples are just as interesting as the more well known temples, some are over 900. You’ll also get to see this Wat which was used as a prison camp for the Khmer Rouge and Pol Pot, it is said that they found 20,000 skulls buried behind this temple.
The day ends with the Tomb Raider temple Ta Prohm where scenes from Tomb Raider were filmed. There is something incredible about seeing this temple being swallowed by the jungles. The trees almost look fake or petrified as they intertwine their way throughout the temple. Again the crowds of people can wear on your nerves but our tour guide knew of areas to take us away from the crowds.
Day Three:
Not to be missed is the sunrise tour of Angkor Wat. Again I used Beyond Unique Escapes for this tour. A tuk tuk picks you up at 4:50am driving you to where you pick up a bike to begin your peddle to Angkor Wat. While you could do this trip yourself or with a tuk tuk driver my guide knew the perfect spots for every moment of the sunrise. You should note that even though you are arriving in the early morning hours, the ticketing people are still there and they will make you get a ticket if you don’t already have one.
Later that day around noon I used a bike from my hotel and headed back to the temples, even though the heat of the day can be intense I rarely came across groups of people which was a nice break from the crowds earlier in the week. I started at Angkor Wat and headed straight into the area I had missed the first time. Walking around the high rise seeing the sprawling jungle below was magnificent. I next peddled to Baphuon, the view from the top can’t be missed. I sat up there for about 30 minutes just taking in the peace of it all. Riding by bike I took time to stop wherever I felt I had missed out and by the end of the day I felt as if I had truly fulfilled my three day pass.
I most enjoyed the mix of Hindu and Buddhist religious influences within the architecture of the ruins. You may see a image of the God Shiva which is next to a image of the Buddha. While I enjoyed my tours they can be a lot of information to take in, but I did enjoy walking the ruins alone guided only by my Lonely Planet reading the descriptions and maps was a nice break from a organized tour.

Age Is Just A Number…

Age is just a number but I will say 29 held some pressures that I didn’t fully know how to process until today.

“Why is 30 such a big celebration for western cultures?” Hmmm how to answer this question for an entire culture without pigeon holding us all into one category. I smiled as my cooking instructor asked me this question. She had waited until the woman who was turning 30 had left the class I think trying to be polite in case my answer was too personal. “Well I can’t answer for everyone, but my opinion of the 30th birthday celebration for western cultures is because this is a transitional time in our lives where we end the youthful confusion that our twenties presents us and enter into a age of responsibility and maturity.” I gave some examples to go along with my definition, such as the fact that usually around 30 people begin to settle down, gain job security, get married, have babies, buy houses, etc. But I reiterated that this was just my opinion, and then laughed and told her that, not only had I just quit my job/career but that I was very single and not anywhere near ready for children. I do own a home so at least one item on my check list is accomplished.

So now I have officially entered into the last 365 days until the big 3-0 and that pressure I mentioned earlier has completely faded away. While my description for 30 had some of the stereotypical expectations that come with the age, being here and following my own path has made me realize that I can be happy not following the flock. I laugh when I meet people along the way, I usually get asked if I just graduated university hence why I am traveling, I smile hoping that my youthful looks are what prompted that question rather then people just trying to be polite, but tell them no I quit my job and I’m traveling. This answer doesn’t get looks of horror or shock, usually I get congratulations and words of encouragement.

With no pressure I rang in 29 alone, but with much love coming state side. You all have been so supportive and the words of love made me feel as if you were all just down the mountain from me. Yes I have left sea level and climbed about 5,000 feet to a town called Sapa in the northern region of Vietnam. I am surrounded by lush mountains and cool air, a tropical version of Park City, so I am in heaven. For the birthday celebration I awoke from a restless night of sleep on a train that hurtled me from Hanoi up to Lao Cai, which is about an hour from Sapa. The night train was a first for me and an experience to say the least, not a restful night of sleep, but no real horror stories to report. When I arrived at my guesthouse I was beyond pleased with my room and the decor. I enjoyed a couple of doughnut holes I had bought from a street vendor in Hanoi and fell asleep for an hour. Then it was time to hike down the mountain away from Sapa, through the rice paddies to the little villages below. The decent was a slippery, muddy nightmare. Flanked on all sides by local H’mong tribal woman I was anxious that I would either fall in the mud or fall off the side the of the mountain. And then a small hand with a strong grip grabbed me and proceeded to lead me down the mountain. Her name was Hi and while she may have been 90 pounds she became my walking stick and balancing aid for the decent. Her strength was shocking and she kept me on my feet which was a true talent. I tried to explain to her that I was naturally clumsy as we were walking on a balance beam of mud between different rice paddy fields. She just smiled and kept asking if I was ok.

My birthday ended with a cold beer, tofu, a almond tart, and a amazing night of sleep in the cold mountain air. I know not the extravaganza I am used to having for a birthday celebration, but a nice way to ring in a new year and a new chapter in my life. Now I believe that age is just a number and it is what you do for yourself and the people around you during that year that matters most.

Cambodian Expectations

Expectations can ruin everything. I should have known as I had been told this time and again, and the outcome always seems to be the same, disappointment. But I was naive, and so I told people “I have a feeling I’m going to love Cambodia and actually want to spend my final two weeks there rather than Vietnam like I planned.” With that train of thought I arrived to the country on a cloud of optimism which was greeted by a tuk tuk driver with my name on his sign. There really isn’t anything better than arriving to a foreign airport stressed with fear of the unknown and then to be greeted by a smiling face and your name in writing. The owner of the Victory Guesthouse greeted me at the door and welcomed me to their home. After dropping my bags in my room I was handed a pineapple shake and I settled into a chair to shake off the heavy day of travel I had just experienced.

The next morning I decided to explore Siem Reap, after walking down the road no more then one minute I heard “Lady, Lady want a tuk tuk, Lady Lady want a message.” This continued for the rest of my day. Trying to be as polite as possible I said no and continued my exploration. Siem Reap is a confusing contradiction of shops, hotels and restaurants. You’ll be walking by a run down shop or see a home that resembles a hut but it is flanked on both sides by a glamorous hotel and a mall type building advertising Gucci. Shops after shops are over flowing with junk, handbags, toys, scarves and other touristy items that make your suitcase cringe. It got to the point where I tried not to make eye contact with anyone for fear I’d have to say no yet again to whatever they were hawking on the street.

Day two, my airport tuk tuk driver took me around the ruins of Angkor Wat and Angkor Thom. While trying to immerse myself in the grander of these ancient temples I was swarmed by children pushing bracelets and postcards into my hands. When a simple no wouldn’t deter them they would start to haggle with themselves, “one dollar for ten, ok I give you deal, 50 cents for 10.” This has been my first heavy interaction with begging on this trip, while I’ve heard horror stories of begging in India and Thailand, most of my travel was during the peak of the heat season therefore I rarely encountered it. So now these innocent, dirt covered faces are looking at me and I have to glaze over my eyes and my emotions and say no. Now I am not heartless and a penny pincher, but I am following the guidelines based on the travel books suggestion that the country is trying to limit begging and therefore it is best not to aid these children.
Therefore by day three with my patience frayed all I wanted to do was lash out and scream. Adding to the pressure was the descriptive reading material that was weighing on my subconscious. I have been reading First They Killed My Father, by Loung Ung. The story of a five year old and her life during the genocide and massacre of her country by the Khmer Rouge. I like many of my fellow travel companions I’ve met in Cambodia knew very little about the Khmer Rouge, Cambodia and the struggle they have lived with for the last forty years. As I read deeper and deeper into the story of starvation, mass murder and evil that very few may ever begin to imagine, I realized that I was living in the shambles of this history. But without more research I didn’t realize that Cambodia had yet to fully recover from their massacre, and therefore I presented a front of tough love thinking that this was what they needed to become strong (yes my misguided, naive assumption is almost too embarrassing to write.)

And so on the third day: “In my next life I want to be born in your country” he said pointing to me with a giant smile on his face. Not clearly understanding what he was trying to say, I replied “oh you want to come visit the United States, what part of the country do you want to come visit?” “Oh no I will never be able to visit your country in this life, but in my next I hope to be born in your country.” While his statement should have made me proud and patriotic, it had the opposite effect and became the final straw that broke my patience completely. He explained how wonderful my country was in comparison to his, he gave two specific examples; one that from 6 to 26 people in the US have the ability to go to school and university. Two that in our country people retire between the ages of 50 and 60 where as he explained, people in Cambodia work until death. With a forceful tone that was fueled by disappointment and anger I clearly explained that what he was describing was not the majority of our country. Yes, while some have the ability to go to school and some have the ability to retire around 50, the majority of the country goes into great debt for their education and most people work until their 70’s. While my response may have been a slight exaggeration, it fell on deaf ears because to him my country represents so much more then he will ever have. I should of known when he started the tour raving about Angelina Jolie and how wonderful she was to the Cambodian country that there was no reasoning with him. The temple they used in the film Tomb Raider has been nicknamed the Tomb Raider Temple or more fondly recognized as the Angelina Jolie Temple. While her charity work and monetary donations have been great aid to this country, I wanted to reiterate that Angelina doesn’t have the same discretionary income as the rest of the country. I couldn’t help but feel that they saw us all as Angelina Jolie’s or as if I were simply a walking dollar sign. While they take much pride in their temples it feels like they would sell them to the highest bidder. In that train of thought I feel as if I am surrounded by a country obsessed with tourists trying to take them for all they are worth.

But then I continued my reading, page after page described Loung’s struggle with life, watching her family be separated, her sister’s death and then watching her father be taken by two guards never to be seen again. Yet at five years old while she struggled with fear and starvation, she stayed strong through anger and hate of what these men were doing to her family. I began to do more research realizing that even though the Khmer Rouge lost full control four years after they invaded Phonm Penh (April 17,1975, the day they marched into the city) their power has never fully disappeared. I only truly realized this when I read that several of the current Cambodian leaders were previously members of the Khmer Rouge, including Prime Minister Hun Sen and Head of the Senate Chea Sim, although there is no evidence to implicate them in the mass killings it is well known that they were apart of the group that massacred 3 million people. With that knowledge I realized my reaction of tough love and glacier eyes was not what these people needed. They are barely surviving with a government that has employed the people who have ruined their lives with murder and fear, they now are only trying to simply survive.

My week in Cambodia went from glacier cold to warm and gooey, trying to exude kindness to everyone I meet. But deep down I am a mess of emotions. I have an overwhelming sadness for this country. I have a greater sense of guilt that while my country wasn’t the only perpetrator in supporting the Khmer Rouge we did help their rise, and worse we did not slow their fall and even though many of the political players at that time from the US have since passed away I am having a hard time trying to understand humanity mixed with political power. But I now see the beauty and strength that I am surrounded by. The Cambodian people are hustling through life to provide for their families. So while I find it an inconvenience to say no time and again, I now know that they don’t see me as a dollar sign, rather a economic surge to help feed their family.

I did have the pleasure of meeting my tour guide for a second tour two days later. His response was, “Oh it’s you again.” I smiled and realized I deserved every innuendo of that statement. As we biked through the ruins watching the sunrise I became more comfortable to ask about his background and history. I had done the math and knew he had to have been two or three in 1975. He told me that he lost his father and two brothers to the Khmer Rouge. He then told me a memory of the food rationing, how daily he and his mother would be given one tablespoon of rice. His mother would take their rice mix it with water and boil it with banana root to prevent them from starving. He explained that she was so sad they had to eat banana root because it was as if they were animals, but they needed to do whatever they could to survive. While his story resonated the reality of the past he also told me that because of the government control few children are taught about their history. Therefore the newer generations say they don’t believe that this genocide occurred because there is very little visual proof. The thought that this history may be forgotten just like the graves of so many that we’re murdered makes me the most sad.

If you want to make donations to Cambodia make sure to make them to either the Red Cross or any NGO (Non-Government Organization). It is unknown how much corruption is occurring in the government today so the biggest assistance you can have is to these organizations who will make sure that the Cambodian people see your aid.

En Route Mid Air

I’m interrupting my chronology of events by giving you all a update on my current travels and whereabouts. I am about two weeks behind on my posts but get ready they will be coming over the next week daily. Currently I am en route to Vietnam for my last two weeks of travel. With that comes the realization and acceptance that heading home is just around the corner.

It is amazing what a hot shower and shaving your legs for the first time in two weeks can do for your state of mind. While I am eagerly looking forward to my hair straightener, make-up and non-travel clothing and footwear, this lifestyle of “non-vanity” has been a time saver. But when you are covered in bruises, remnants of blistered bed bug bites and a head full of frizzy hair, you start to miss the comforts and beauty regimes of home.

In the last couple of days with Britta (my friend from Chicago who has joined me for two weeks) in Thailand’s southern islands my heart was weighted with sadness as I realized that my time with my travel companion was rapidly coming to an end. The comfort of traveling with a friend gave me a confidence in exploring and interacting with our surroundings that I hadn’t had in Cambodia. I was sad our time was ending, I was sad that my trip was beginning it’s final leg and I was starting to feel the stress that my return trip held within it. Not the travel, but the reality that this “travel freedom” is in it’s final chapter and it is now time to embrace life and my responsibilities in the US. Most importantly the question of what my career holds for me. Feeling a suffocating panic with these thoughts I tried to push them from my mind. But I realized that embracing these fears and accepting them for what they are is a better way to handle the stress. 

What I have learned about solo travel is that while you have the ability to go with the wind, eat, sleep and be however you want without having to check in with others it is also a lonely experience. Not in a bad way, but you experience everything by yourself, which leads to many funny conversations with yourself. Myself and I will be even closer by the end if that is possible. Needless to say I am about to enter two weeks of solitary travel and while I was first saddened by this I have now come to embrace the freedom it offers and spend the time focusing on what’s next. Don’t get me wrong I have met wonderful people from all over the world while on my own. I find doing day trips and classes is the best way to spend time with strangers, but after being with my Chicago comfort for two weeks I now know it is not the same. While it is nice to not have to consider someone else’s needs while you travel, it is not as much fun to laugh by yourself, eat by yourself, or even experience new worlds by yourself. Knowing this would I have changed my mind about my travels? No. While alone may be an entirely different experience, it does teach you a lot, and you do become stronger and more independent for it. Therefore I woke this morning clean from my shower with silky soft legs and a feeling of excitement as I venture into the final chapter of this journey.

I have said from the beginning that I didn’t want to focus on the future that awaits me back home for fear the stress would somehow ruin my present experience. But the thoughts of “what is next” are never far from reach and I have started to brainstorm a plan for my return. While I am not ready to put my thoughts in writing, I do realize that much of my fear about the future lies within the fact that I will be taking risks and starting new things. But with great risk comes great reward, right? While my greatest fear is failure itself, I have learned that if I accept failure like I accept success I won’t have anything to fear. Maybe that is what this trip has taught me, that even when the road is bumpy, full of tears and bruises and blisters I still seem to learn and gain more then I ever would had I stayed in the comforts of my air conditioned Chicago condo.

Thoughts to work on and process while we land into my final country and leg of my travels. Now its time to send you back a couple of weeks to my Cambodian experience, one part of my journey that was full of many bumps.