13 in 2013

Well Hello February. My first realization of 2013 is that I am becoming the queen of the unfinished projects. Sticky notes with never ending to-do lists are strewn around my apartment and unfinished blog posts seem to be filling my computer files. When I left my old job to take time to travel I realized that everyday life’s schedule, repeating over and over, surprisingly leaves little time to do new things. There is so much comfort in what we know, but, I’ve found when you break away from that daily routine to learn and feel so much more. Not always positive, but it brings awareness to who you are. My New Year’s resolutions are a combination of activities and conscious moments. Being home I’ve realized that my comforts have limited my conscious perspective. Therefore I’m adding them to my Resolution list so I am ever so aware and with hopes of gaining new perspective, which was easier to obtain while traveling abroad.

I was so excited to ring in 2013 with hopes that it was going to be a wonderful year. I don’t even really know what gave me that hope. The big 30 celebration this year which is looming over my shoulder seems to be more powerful than I thought. I know I wrote “Age is just a number” but there is something about this year that has a power over me… makes me a little crazy, sometimes irrational, but excited as well. I have come up with a 13 to do in 2013 (in no particular order) and I am going to use Prue.Simple.Bliss and you all to be my witness so that I can follow through:

1. Run Hood to Coast Relay: This just happens to fall on my big 30 weekend, but my sister and brother-in-law talked me into it so watch out Oregon here we come!

2. Complete my first Marathon: I have wanted to do this for a while and with training to run a relay two months earlier I figured why not, Chicago Marathon 2013.

3. Make every recipe in the cook book Forks Over Knives: I’ll get into more detail about this soon, but so far I’ve learned some amazing cooking tricks and my belly has been very satisfied.

4. Add into my yoga practice Head Stand: This is a combination of fear and strength, two things I am happy to work on.

5. Add into my yoga practice Hand Stand: See above

6. Complete my yoga teacher training certification: I am well on my way and will have updates soon. Currently I am in the middle of our anatomy section, after getting over the “gross-ness” of the descriptions I can’t believe how intricate, strong and yet fragile the human body is. Maybe if we were all a little more educated we would realize why we need to take better care of ourselves.

7. Try to learn to appreciate meditation: For a mind that is always on go I cherish the moment I can sit and focus and clear my mind.

8. Start up and cultivate my Yoga Gives Back project: Again a realization I had a while back, one of those unfinished blogs, but I will post more soon.

9. Set a new half marathon PR: Number 5 will hopefully give me a new PR.

 

10. Finish my travel writing about Vietnam: These pictures should say enough.

 

 

11. Challenge myself outside of my comfort zone: While traveling I was constantly challenging myself, and in the end I really liked the person who came out of every challenge. I want to find a way to keep cultivating this growth without having to leave the country.

 

(Trying some type of herb wrap to bring good fortune in Vietnam)

12. Learn what it means to be content: An idea that is both scary and foreign. As American’s we are taught to go for the goal, be number one, constantly competing. While I value our ambition I don’t know if it leads to happiness. It’s a theory that needs some work, but I want to know if it is possible to be content and yet still motivated in life.

13. Have fun dating: uh… er… ah, dating blows, I love when people who are off the market say, “oh I loved dating I’m so jealous that you can still do that”. I pretty much want to give that person the finger. But you know I need to change my perspective and get out there. One of my friends jokingly said “you could blog about it.” Well maybe I will! Yesterday I was looking at a profile the guy said “Loves: Meat, vegetarians and vegans need not apply.” If only they could all be that honest!

 

Leaving Corporate America

“Constant practice alone is the secret of success.”¹

What is success? In life, in love, in careers, we all have our own understanding and definition of success. For myself success used to be equated to financial stability. It was important to me in those early years to stand on my own and be employed, climbing the corporate ladder and being showered with pay raises, bonuses, profit sharing plans and positive reviews from upper management. When I made the conscious decision to quit my job I knew I was most likely leaving all that behind.  I’ll be completely honest with you, everyday I weigh the pros and cons of financial stability with my current situation and time and again the current wins, but it is a continuous debate I have. That’s probably because my current situation is one influx, but after living abroad for 9 weeks this is what I have learned about myself, success to me is happiness and contentment of my mind, body and spirit, a balancing act between all areas of my life. So as of September 15, 2012 I began my year in pursuit of happiness.

With no real direction I had to think about the different areas of my life for which I had passion and use these passions as markers to begin my exploration:

1. Food, I love cooking, but I have always been concerned that if I took my passion for cooking and turned it into a career I would get burnt out. Not to mention I have no professional experience and my only semi-restaurant experience was being a counter server at the clam shack on Cape Cod for two summers in high school. So with that I’ve taken a chef’s assistant job at the Chopping Block, a recreational cooking school for the home cook.

“The yogi understands the faults of others by seeing and studying them first in himself. This self-study teaches him to be charitable to all.”²

2. Yoga, while my time at the ashram was challenging both mentally and physically,

it has been the one area of my trip I am constantly referring back to, whether in my writing, my personal thoughts or advice given to others. Therefore I applied and was accepted to the Moksha Yoga Teacher Training program. While I don’t know if teaching is for me, the spiritual and philosophical aspects of yoga have had such a positive effect on me. Therefore I want to dedicate my time and energy exploring these studies.

“He knows that his life is linked inextricably with that of others and he rejoices if he can help them to be happy.”³

3. Helping Others, traveling abroad gave me perspective that I was blindly unaware of prior to my travels. What resonated with me most was the fact that people were so enamored with the United States and the symbol of success and prosperity that it meant to them. I’ve taken for grated how much my homeland has provided for me. But on my return I was shown that while our country does provide many opportunities for some, there are so many others left behind. Equal opportunity has been a fighting slogan in our country from its origin. So cherishing that ideology I want to work in non-profit to help individuals in my community reach their goals and dreams.

“Love begets courage, moderation creates abundance and humility generates power.”⁴

The year has begun, and with two of the three areas of my adventure underway I am learning new things daily. It’s interesting that I had to leave the country, entering a new world completely outside my comfort zone to prepare me for a year of challenges back home. While I’m surrounded by things I know, my experiences daily are so drastically different that I still feel like I am in a foreign country. I remind myself that if I could survive riding a bike through rush hour traffic in Delhi India, I can survive Chicago. For the time being I’m looking and applying for non-profit jobs and learning what it means to live on a tight budget. I know I will miss the financial comforts that came from my corporate job, living on a restricted budget will be one of my greatest challenges. I know it sounds spoiled and consumerist, but I recognize that I have been very fortunate to have lived the life I had. My restricted budget is to teach me that living within your means and not being consumed with wants will only help strengthen my ability to be content. I’m ready for the challenge and I have a feeling that the stories and struggles that come from it will be enlightening.

“Without experiencing human love and happiness, it is not possible to know divine love.”⁵

 

 

¹ BKS Iyengar. Light on Yoga. Harper Colins Publishers, 2008. 30.

² BKS Iyengar. Light on Yoga. Harper Colins Publishers, 2008. 27.

³ BKS Iyengar. Light on Yoga. Harper Colins Publishers, 2008. 32.

⁴ BKS Iyengar. Light on Yoga. Harper Colins Publishers, 2008. 29.

⁵ BKS Iyengar. Light on Yoga. Harper Colins Publishers, 2008. 35.

From OM to Oh My God

India Please Let Me Leave… that is all I could think as I over heard a woman say that she may change her travel plans as the pilots of King Fisher airlines were on strike. I leaned over to my friend and said, “Oh dear God, my flight is on King Fisher tomorrow. But in this new state of calm I am not going to worry about what I can’t change.” I also hadn’t received any email notifications as of that afternoon telling me anything about my flight status. So with that I pushed out the worrying thoughts and decided to focus on my last night at the Ashram.
The next morning presented another bump in my travel plans. Because of the “orange man Pilgrimage” the taxi would not be picking us up at the Ashram, rather we would have to trek our stuff over a mile through the crowded, slime slicked streets of Rishikesh, across a swinging foot bridge to the other side of the river where our taxi driver would meet us. Luckily four of us had teamed up for this adventure so I wouldn’t be alone. We also hired two men to carry our bags as the streets were literally shoulder to shoulder packed with teenage boys all vying and hassling us for photos. If you’ve never been to India you may not know that I am a superstar in this country, probably the equivalent of Reece Witherspoon to you USA folks. Actually anyone with white skin is a photo magnet. I was sitting in the Ashram waiting for lunch one day when an old lady sat right next to me, I looked at her quizzically making a note that there really wasn’t any personal space in this country, especially since the four other benches where wide open. Then her daughter walked up and said “can she have a photo with you?” I smiled and said yes, which is what I tried to do for women and children who requested photos, but the orange teenagers became a problem as they were constantly taking our pictures without our permission. Eventually they started to get physically pushy as well, and that is why I was very concerned about following my luggage through the crowded streets while keeping my head down to avoid the photos.
Well I couldn’t help but laugh when I saw the sign in the distance as we were zig zagging our way through the streets, “Leave Sooner, Drive Slower, Live Longer.” As with everything in India it doesn’t totally make sense but you can’t help but smile. So as I climbed into the taxi dripping with the humid air that hung thick in the sky, I was ready to do all three of those things.
After being dropped off at the airport with one of my four travel companions I headed straight for the King Fisher desk, where I was told my flight was indeed cancelled. I was told I would be reimbursed for the fare and that was all that they could do. I stared at the guy yelling in my head, “you have to be f-ing kidding me! No wonder this country is a complete mess you have no customer service, I just want to leave, you can’t just tell me I am SOL and abandon me here in the middle of f-ing nowhere India!” But instead I looked him straight in the eye, and said “please sir you have to help me, I need to be in Delhi tonight and I don’t know what else to do, is there anything you can do to help me, I don’t know who else to ask.” I guess my Karma was cleansed when someone stole my new flip flops from outside the dinner hall at the Ashram days before because he became possibly the most helpful person I have met in India. He got me on the flight that my friend was on and with that I said good bye to Rishikesh.
I think I have Delhi International Airport PTSD because I was a panicked mess when we landed, I was supposed to figure out how to get back into the airport where my hotel was located with no real instruction even though I had emailed the hotel numerous times. This effort again led to a little triad in my head, some yelling on a cell phone and as I struggled to hold back the tears the second most helpful man in India got me to where I was supposed to be. (The picture to the left is the view from my hotel of the international check in desks.) So when my alarm went off at 3am, for my 3:30 check in, I was bouncing with energy and excitement to get the hell out of India.
Don’t get my wrong, as you’ve read time and again, India does hold a special place in my heart, but boy does it do an amazing job testing my patience. I will always think of India as a relationship with a hormonal teenage daughter (mom maybe you can relate!) One minute we are best friends and life is smooth sailing, the next we are both in tears of the floor and I don’t know if I will ever survive this relationship. Well I did survive and as I wandered my way around a crowded Bangkok market, I realized that by going to India first every other minute of my trip is going to be a walk in the park.

Two Weeks To Enlightenment?

As my time at the Ashram comes to an end I am trying to find words and meaning to describe the experience. My sister and I were skype-ing earlier this week and she said “are you having fun?” My reply was, “yes of course, I mean it’s not like cocktail party fun, but I’m enjoying myself.” The slight reservation you may hear in that answer is that while at times I was completely elated and energized, there were other times where I was overcome by emotion. When you are left alone in silence with your thoughts you may be amazed at what emotions come forward.
We were taught that yoga is a way of life, through the physical and mental practice you find balance with the ultimate goal being self knowledge which is called enlightenment. My physical practice while being here has improved. I had taken about a six month break from yoga prior to coming to India; running was my priority when it came to exercise and I never found a yoga studio I was drawn to. Naturally thanks to my amazing genes (wink, wink dad) I am as stiff as a board, but practicing twice a day has really helped. I’ve also noticed that with my morning pranayama practice (breathing) and stretching, sun salutations and asanas (poses) I’ve found a very gentle yet extremely effective way of waking myself up. I have not had coffee in almost three weeks and I have had no need for it. But, sorry mom, the 5:30 am wake up call is just not my thing, I am so grateful that that will be ending! My goal is to practice everyday on my own, it will take commitment and time, but I would hate to see this wonderful base that I’ve started be wasted.
The mental practice of yoga was so much more then I ever expected. I came to the ashram wanting to find a stronger physical practice and work on meditation with the hopes of calming my mind. What I got instead was a spiritual awakening, I know what you may be thinking, no I won’t be chanting “Hare Krishna” any time soon, although wait until you hear some of the other chants I’ve learned! But in all honesty, thinking about my spiritual beliefs and what relationship I am looking for with God and religion was the furthest thing on my mind. While I feel that this door has just barely been opened through this experience, I am excited to explore these areas and spend time figuring out what I need for myself when it comes to a spiritual practice.

So was enlightenment obtained, no, but we were taught that to obtain enlightenment one has to have complete self knowledge. The ultimate goal through the journey of life is to obtain knowledge of the self, so I have a ways to go. Humbly I smiled the first time I heard our teacher Mataji explain self knowledge, because I believe that this trip is the start of my journey for exactly that. So while enlightenment wasn’t obtained in my two week stay, I do feel as if I am on the right path. Through philosophy class I have been given many ideas and thoughts to play around with in pursuit of my own journey.

In the end I realized that while I may have had some restless nights due to my hard bed, the food may have been lack luster, and naturally I wanted to cry when my alarm went off in the early dawn. All of that is so much more than many people ever have in India and even back in the US. I like to joke about my living conditions because I’ve been so blessed to live a very comfortable life. But so many in this world have so little. Seeing these images reminded me of how grateful I am for everything I have been given. One step to knowing yourself is to accept all that comes to you with grace (prasada). So with grace I accept what I’ve learned about myself and I head out to my next destination to continue this process and maybe get one step closer to enlightenment!

The Beatles Ashram

Follow me on a walk through what is known as the Beatles Ashram. It is said that the Beatles stay at the Ashram turned out to be one of the groups most creative periods. They wrote about 30 songs, some of which became part of the album “The Beatles” (aka The White Album) and others appeared on “Abby Road.” You can read the full history here “The Beatles in India”.

Now the Ashram sits alone, entwined with decades of jungle growth. As we walked up to the locked front gates we were amazed that the loud streets of Rishikesh had faded into a erie silence. 

On the other side of the gate was a man sleeping, when we woke him he asked for 50 rupees per person as an entry fee. He then told us to watch our step as we climbed the hill deeper into the jungle.

We left the path and entered into the auditorium which is now a makeshift museum for travelers art and words. As we walked around the room admiring the works we couldn’t help but get the creepy sense of bad energy which quickly washed over you. I felt like I was in the beginning of a remake of “Blair Witch” Indian Ashram style.

But the property is quiet and remote, a nice change from the Ashram we now call home. I would love for them to restore this area to its former glory.

Day Four – On My Way to Enlightenment

I had the best day ever today! I feel as if my body has been infused with a surge of energy, yet at the same time there is a supreme sense of calm rushing through my veins, imagine walking out of the best message you’ve ever had, you feel so relaxed and yet so rejuvenated at the same time.

You have to know if I were telling this to you in person that statement would be said with much surprise in my tone. As my alarm jarred me out of a deep sleep at 5:30 this morning. I only wanted to cover my head and avoid the day all together. After my snooze alarm told me it was really time to get up, I begrudgingly made my way to the yoga center. And my mood wasn’t altered in the first half of class, doing breathing exercises only seemed to make me more cranky. But in our first savasana “Dead Man’s Pose” (lying still on the floor), I may have drifted off to sleep, or I may have breathed in the right amount of energy, I don’t know what happened, but from that moment on everything transitioned.

Who knew by day four I could feel such euphoria. I don’t know whether to credit the physical yoga practice, the pranayama (breathing) practice, the daily chanting, yoga philosophy class or meditation. But looking at my surroundings, you’ve seen my stark room and sleeping arrangements, our breakfast lunch and dinner consists of the same variation of food:
Breakfast, usually a savory rice/grain (still unknown, but usually contains so of what was left over from the night before mixed with a grain) and chia tea:
Lunch, rice, soup, stewed veggies and chapattis:
Dinner, more of the same
I’m waking at 5:30 every morning and occasionally taking a nap during my off hour, if I need the rest. I have no music or television (a self imposed restriction) to better focus on my thoughts. And with all of these restrictions and living conditions, I noticed today as I walked down the crowded streets of Rishikesh, the noise of honking motor bikes didn’t bother me, the man harassing me to buy goods didn’t bother me, the fly filled smudgy ground didn’t bother me. I can see why the Ashram gives restrictions on how long you can stay, because I would never leave to maintain this high.
I do know that it could be any combination of reasons why I’m feeling this way, and maybe part of it is that I am surrounded by like minded individuals all with similar goals, who I’ve interacted with and had stimulating conversations with. But I’m not going to over think it, rather just absorb this sense, live in the moment and leave you with a image from last night that exemplifies my feelings; mind, body and spirit.

Parmarth Yoga and Meditation Center

After arriving in Derhadun I was moved into a cab which whirled its way to Rishikesh. The winding two lane road was lined with dark, dense forest. The driver hurried along playing chicken with the traffic as he passed trucks and slower cars. First we came upon the town of Hardwar, my first thought was that we were in Rishikesh and to my disappointment I felt as if I were thrown back into Delhi, with crowded streets and decaying buildings. But we quickly zoomed through the town, avoiding on coming traffic and wandering cows and came to a bridge. Flowing rapidly below I can only assume was the Ganga river. The road became windy and mountainous. As we flew through the turns, I saw visions of “Ice Road Truckers” in my head. Because the road only fit one car we continually had to pull aside to let approaching cars pass. The whirlwind trip ended at the entrance of the ashram, I tipped the driver thanking him for not killing me and wandered through the metal gates into the open air halls of the ashram.

Nerves and exhaustion overwhelmed me and with no real direction I stumbled upon the reception area. After filing out loads of paperwork I was hustled to my room, I managed to get the padlock off the door only to find the light switches weren’t working. After I was instructed to flip the individual fuses, I walked into my new home for the next two weeks. Setting my bags down I looked around and realized I was not in my comfy hotel of Delhi anymore. Turning on the light switch in the bathroom I saw a small sink next to a western toilet (thank god) and a shower. All on top of each other so that no matter what if you shower everything gets wet.

The bedroom had two twin beds pushed up next to each other, constructed out of plywood with the thinest mattress I’ve ever seen. I sat on the hard surface and questioned my sanity and whether I was cut out for this type of travel. But once I took a cold shower and washed the clothes I had worn that day I laid down on my hard, thin surface of a bed and let the multiple blowing fans wash away any doubt. Remembering what Udita had told me, “you have a choice, do you want go through life positive or negative, its completely up to you.” Knowing that I smiled and laughed at my situation, thinking all of you back home would be laughing as well. I mean look how far I’ve come, without all the comforts of home, four pillows, air conditioning, a separated bathroom, I was still going to survive. I closed my eyes and fell into a restless sleep tossing and turning throughout the night.
As the early dawn light came streaming in through my clouded windows I woke to my alarm altering me it was the start of my two week adventure into yoga and meditation. I jumped out of bed with excitement, very uncharacteristic of me in this early hour, but I was ready to begin. Missing orientation the night before due to my flight confusion, what was to be expected was all truly unknown to me. I dressed and put my hair up in my now daily style of a braid and bun. The night before I was told that we would be wearing all white clothing that covered our shoulders and knees during all of our classes as a symbol of purity. The clothing could be purchased in town but I would have to wait until one of our breaks later in the day. I tried to pick my most calm Indian top but it was light blue and not at all as desecrate as white would be.

I followed the early morning risers into the fresh morning air to begin our daily regime (Monday thru Friday):
– 6:00 to 6:30 for Prayers, Pranayama

– 6:30 to 7:30 for Loosening practices, Surya Namaskara with mantrans and Traditional Hatha Yoga Asana Class

– 8:30 to 9:30 Breakfast in Silence

– 10:30 to 11:15 Chanting

– 11:15 to 12:00 Yoga in the Bhagawad – Gita/ Yoga Sutras

– 12:00 to 1:00 Shram Daana (karma yoga) – cleaning the studio and surrounding areas

– 1:00 to 2:00 Lunch in Silence

– 4:30 to 6:00 Hatha Yoga Asana Class

– 7:00 to 7:50 Gana Aarati (Musical offering to the Holy Mother Ganga)

– 8:00 to 8:30 Supper in Silence

– 8:30 to 9:00 Mediation

Saturday morning:

– 6:30 to 7:00 Kriya (using a neti pot)

– 7:15 to 8:30 Regular Pranayama and Yoga
Sunday: Day of Rest

After my first day I showered (cold water*, but it feels refreshing in the heat) and washed my clothing (this would become my evening routine), and fell into bed completely exhausted but calm, the nerves and anxiety of being at a place unknown to me had faded away and I realized that I had made the right decision in coming to this ashram, I was ready to get into focusing on me with no real distractions. (To the right is my clothing wash bucket and wiper to clean the floor.)
* After a week of being here I was told that there is a hot water heater in my room I just need to turn it on. But my heater doesn’t seem to be working, at this joint I just cherish the water to wash away the sweat and grime.